A while back, I wrote about the neighbour kid. She scored 357 in KCPE and voluntarily decided to rewind. I should mention that some months back, she asked me to teach her about computers. Once I opened Word and started to explain how it works, she quickly said she just wanted Facebook. I saw no harm in it and opened accounts for her and her little sister. They used fake names, fake ages, and profile photos of Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne. I was a bit uneasy about that, but as long as they Facebooked in my house, on my terms, and on my friends’ list, I could keep an eye on them. Plus, they’re not my kids.
Of course, my own Princess wanted an account too. I allowed it, but insisted she use her own name and picture [despite violent tantrums], and I have the thing locked down so tight that she can’t do much without me knowing. On the upside, she trusts me with her password, asks me before she friends anyone, and lets me check messages on her behalf. She Facebooks more than me, and her uncles often send me messages through her, so there are lots of loving people watching her. The day I try to log in and fail, it will be time for a serious talk.
Back to the neighbour kid. Two days ago, she came over and asked if she could Facebook and I refused. Continue reading →
I’m a relatively peaceful guy, I swear I am. But there are few things in this world that I just flat out will not tolerate any adult doing in my presence or in my general direction. Things that invoke the wrath of the Krakken from the depths of my spirit’s Hell. For example.
U shld nt snd me txt/sms Tht lukz lk ths f ur nt 15 yrs old,or srsly RETARDED! kthxbai
Especially if it’s business/work related.
Jesus Christ, what did vowels ever do to you? Was grammar your childhood nemesis? Or is this just another failed attempt at rekindling your youth? Continue reading →
Disclaimer: Beware of the African man’s ego. (no Kanye)
My lady’s latest facebook profile picture has her at a dinner event smiling ear to ear in a beautiful African-styled dress with none else but some washed up Irish rock-star/ superhero wannabeBono standing above her with his hand over her shoulder. My first reaction? Yup, that’s my girl! All the comments and all the “likes” on her profile picture extolling her radiant beauty in those dinner party pictures are just the beginning of the ego-boost I require to get through the day. It’s this constant validation of my taste in women that does wonders for my confidence. And yes, the simple knowledge that there are men out there falling over themselves to sing her praises, while silently habouring thoughts of bedding her, is yummy chow for my ever-hungry ego.
So, to answer my own earlier question, I’m sure she told Bono all about us ME. She sent me an imaginary text after the private dinner party with him and told me so. Well, at least that’s what my ego would want me to believe. You see, ladies, I’m sure you all know by now just how important it is to cater to a man’s ego (No Beyonce). A Kenyan man at that. That being said, I’m here to inform all you loving, happily attached women out there that his ego needs more stoking than he could ever get from you. That’s why ALL (yes, all) Kenyan men myself included, have other women on the side other sources of external ego-stoking and confidence-boosting. Continue reading →
There are lots of really fabulous things about moving back home to Kenya. There are also some not too cool things – cue my ranting about not being able to drive in the night, the tellers that are soooo slow at supermarket tills, crater sequences for roads – the list goes on. However, these are things I know exist in my beautiful land of Kenya and it’s no surprise. But this week, call it hormone rioting, whatever, but I have just found myself growling at a number of things in this beautiful city in the sun and here they are in no particular order:
FaceBook attention seeking statii (is that even a word? Plural of status): Firstly, announcements to tell everyone that you will be spring cleaning your friends list. That’s totally fine – you just don’t need to tell everyone about it. And you certainly don’t need to apologize in advance to those that are getting chopped off your list. Just get on with it!! Continue reading →