Ezekiel Kemboi won our lovely country its first gold medal in the London 2012 Olympics. It was an ecstatic moment, not just for all Kenyans but for Kemboi himself. Certainly, no one foresaw the celebration that would follow Kemboi’s victory. Some have called it an embarrassing show of bromance.., which can be forgiven given that Kenyans were really praying to register their first gold medal at the games. Kemboi delivered.., not just the gold, but a show as well.
While we can’t show you how to dance like Kemboi, we can at least show you how to hug like only he can.
So first..,
Run like you stole something
Two..,
Win.., but don’t smile just yet.
Three..,
Play dead.., to confuse your enemies.
Four..,
Ask God to forgive you for what you’re about to do
Five…,
Get up and do the dance of your people
Six..,
Find an unsuspecting French guy and pretend you want to shake hands
Seven..,
Suddenly jump on the French guy.., shirtless.
Eight..,
Give the French guy your shirt and let him swing it in the air.., like you just don’t care!
Nine..,
*cough* “Okay kids, cover your eyes”
Ten..,
Wear your mate’s shirt with a name most Kenyans cannot pronounce
Sometimes enlightenment beams through the oddest crevices.
I was reading a book by David Thorne, a renowned internet troll, where he sarcastically called one of his coworkers something to the effect of “Harlow’s fifth monkey” for blatantly following rules without questioning them.
For those not familiar with Harlow’s monkey experiment, it goes something like this (and I’m paraphrasing).
He took 5 monkeys and put them at the bottom of the stairs and then put a bananaat the top. When one monkey approached the stairs, all 5 got sprayed with ice water. This was repeated until none of the monkeys tried to get the banana and resolved to remaining warm and dry. At this point, one of the monkeys was replaced with a new monkey. When this monkey went for the banana, the other 4 beat the sh** out of it. It was never sprayed. After this monkey was thrashed once or twice, yet another of the original 5 was substituted for a new one and it was yet again thrashed. The other monkey joined in to this monkey ass whooping with even more enthusiasm and vigor than the original four. No spraying. They replaced the third monkey to the same outcome; no monkey dared approach that damn banana. Eventually the fourth and fifth monkeys were also phased out slowly and initiated with the violent orientation whenever they approached the banana.
A new 6th monkey was introduced. And although none of the 5 monkeys that had been sprayed were there, the 5 in their place still handily dished out a thrashing to the new monkey when it tried to go for the banana. They had no reason to. They didn’t know about the water sprays and the cold that came with them. They didn’t know that they actually could have the banana now. Instead they made sure all other monkeys stayed in line. What line though, is questionable.
It’s unfortunate that past the age of 18, very many Kenyans don’t know what to do with themselves when the government sets aside days of National Mourning. Most of us think it’s a public holiday. We actually hope it is a public holiday. So we can sleep, watch movies, go to Naivasha, get high, spend all our money and do anything else, BUT mourn.
Perhaps we don’t know how to mourn. Or maybe we think that the deceased are usually too far removed from us. So we give various excuses : “I didn’t personally know the guy “. “I feel nothing.” “I’m too ninja to cry for three days.” ”I hated that guy.”
I’m no expert in National Mourning. But I can tell that it is not Christmas Day and neither is it a State of Emergency. I also know, that whether we are mourning or not, we must go to work. And because I’m no expert mourner, I hope that you, dear reader can contribute your ideas and suggestions at the tail end of this post. Please do.
National Mourning at Work?
On a state level, national mourning is denoted by flags flying at half mast. In some countries, when the government declares national mourning, public events are cancelled or postponed. On the other hand, the 4th estate give us more shoddily done news, filled with eulogies and dirges. They also give us a chance to call in, email or sms our heartfelt condolences.
Beyond that, what else can we do?
Now, not every Kenyans has a flag outside their doorstep (but that’s not so say that we are not patriotic. We are damn well patriotic, when our athletes win a marathon abroad.)
But the question remains: How can we make an individual contribution to national mourning in this country? Because whether we like it or not death is inevitable, mourning comes with death.
If you care, like I do, I think that this an area where the Ministry of National Heritage and Culture (does it still exist?) would shed some light on the issue. Them that gave us the National Dress at a cost of 50million. Brand Kenya can also offer some ideas. Besides, aren’t they the ones that advertise all the things that make us proud and that unite us as Kenyans? Perhaps the clergy can also offer some ideas. They’ve done really well with the National Day of Prayer. Surely, if they can get us to pray as a nation, they can show us how best to mourn as well.
I don’t know.., what are your thoughts? How are you taking part in the 3 days of National Mourning?
I was pleased to hear the youth vote will be a key factor in determining who will lead this country to hell again come the next general election. As a young person, I have never felt so WORTHY a citizen of this country. But even when this information came to light courtesy of some research firm (can someone please give me the stats?) I haven’t seen any RATIONAL effort by the current crop of aspiring politicians to court this youth vote. From a PERSONAL view (that’s MY opinion, not yours), everyone of our politicians seem to be getting it wrong. It’s evident in the public addresses, the TV ads and the body language. None of them seem to be speaking to ME.
I have asked myself, over and over again why this is the case?
Is it because, these aspirants cannot grasp the concept of youth? So much so that in their 40s, 50s and even 60s they consider themselves “youthful”? That, by the way is not just annoying.., it’s insulting. Certainly that’s no way to court us. It’s one thing to identify with our problems and general way of life, but it’s another to assume our identity.
Simply put, it would rile me to see my father (in his 60s) dress like my kid brother (in his 20s) – in skinny jeans and supras- just to show that he “identifies” with my brother’s youth. Everyone has their place in a team. Dad has to be the leader and act like it, while my brother, though empowered with a voter’s card gets a chance to monkey around until he’s at a certain age.
That said, I figured this morning, while brushing my teeth, that the reason our politicians don’t seem to be communicating to ALL youth is because no one has bothered to dissect and research on this huge, complex, invincible force so casually dismissed as YOUTH.
We are all so different. We have different needs and aspirations.
Not all of us are suffering, and not all of those who are want handouts . Not all of us are educated. Some of us choose not to get formal education, whether the resources are available or not. That doesn’t mean that those who don’t want to be in a classroom end up being thugs. Not every youth wants to go out party and dance. There’s a segment that would rather go home and read a book. That doesn’t mean that segment is saved or Muslim.
Not all of us want to be employed under Kazi Kwa Vijana, there’s a segment that would like to employ themselves. However, even the latter would rather not access the Youth Fund to see their dreams realized. Not every youth speaks sheng. They are those among us who detest it. Yet the youth who live in suburbia admire the ones in the slums that speak sheng and would love to be equally fluent. But then again, suburbia have their own slung. Has anyone bothered to address these high class youth segment in their preferred language. Oh, that’s right – they only only speak English and they don’t vote. You think? Not every youth afflicted by poverty listens to reggae. Even suburban youth listen to reggae and not necessarily sufferer reggae. Not every unemployed youth drinks illicit brew or does drugs.
Most importantly, not every youth will listen to their parents or “village elders.”In fact, history has shown that the youth tend to do the opposite of what their elder counterparts DEMAND of them. But that’s not to say all youth are disobedient - and I use the term disobedient with caution.
Here’s the thing, it’s evident we youth have a mind of our own – a mind that changes very fast. One time we like something, the next we don’t. We are not as predictable as you assume we are. And to look at us as a unit, with similar interests and reactions is to insult us. The one thing we have in common though is that we have a powerful thing in our hands – a voter’s card. So if anyone cares about getting the youth vote and getting it right, you best put your money in some youth research in respect to current politics – hoping that the results you get are not cooked.
For now though, I’ll have to leave you standing at the podium doing your thing.
I’ve been skimming through today’s dailies hoping to see at least one Op-Ed with that title up there. Sadly, none of the country’s opinion writers had the guts to beat you black and blue with the truth. But that’s what blogs are for. So I’ll spell it out for you loud and clear. YOU WILL DIE.
And no, I won’t kill you. Not even Bonny’s prophecies will. See while all of you went HAM when Bonny was making death wishes on vultures, your relatives, brothers and sisters, had formed a sizeable crowd right outside Assanand’s trying to catch a glimpse of .., I don’t know what. Continue reading →
When all three arms of government are on one side, the Fourth Estate is meant to assert the power of the people and ensure that the State is held to account. Traditionally, this role has been played by the media but many argue that an organised civil society could be equal to such an important task. However, both the media and NGOs in Kenya (which includes Civil Society) are largely unregulated, often finding themselves consumed by profit-making and promoting partisan agendas. For today, the focus shall be on NGOs.
Currently, the Non-Governmental Organisations Bill 2012 published a few weeks ago is the hot topic of discussion in many public and private circles. To understand how this Bill proposes to rein in NGOs and clean up the sector, we must recall some of the issues that this Bill is trying to address. Firstly the definitional issue, and then the major issue of regulation both state regulation of NGOs and self regulation of NGOs amongst themselves.
