Whore Etiquette

Prostitution

This story, like many others on DR, begins on University Way.

At about 10pm the other night, a fellow ninja and I happened to be strolling by the intersection of University and Koinange when we noticed 4 men seated on a bench staring intently across the street. We followed their glance and were not shocked to see two commercial sex workers, loitering on the opposite side of the street. One was clad in her baby sister’s t-shirt and jeans. The other was the epitome of ‘freeze-n-shine’ donning a dress so tiny and so tight, that I understood why she wasn’t walking to keep warm. As I began jokingly pondering whether they kept receipt books in their purses or what a ho-conversation sounds like, the one in the baby t-shirt decided to pull down her jeans, squat and pee.

Right there on the corner.

And she wasn’t just quick-pissing a.k.a. Super-short a.k.a midget-call a.k.a. Flash irrigation. Nah, she was doing it with intent; like she was trying to etch her name on the ground in cursive font. And her buddy in the tight dress just watched her as though she wasn’t even mildly impressed.

After the initial shock that caused fixation, I looked away so quickly that my Adam’s apple was now sticking out of the side of my neck and my right eye was looking out of my right ear. What little I saw was unsettling enough and weird. But mostly just peculiar.

For one, she had panties on. White bulky-ish ones at that. Which seems like defeated logic seeing as their line of work generally seems like it would…ehm…be messy. Fluidly speaking. Plus, it’s really not anywhere near enticing. She might as well wear boxers.

Secondly, I was pretty sure that peeing where you work would ward off clientèle. Now, I’m not one to go hoe-shopping unless I need garden tools so clearly I can’t say I understand the customer base very well. But if I had hit an epic dry streak while overdosing on hallucinogens and booze, and I found myself hoe-browsing, I’m pretty sure I’d pick the one NOT pissing next to my car. It just seems like the more sound choice.

Third, what ever happened to giving a brother a warning? You see me looking your way, lemme know before you decide to moon me and then irrigate cement with hoe-piss. Yes, I said hoe-piss. It’s like regular piss, except it belongs to whoever paid for it. And I’m pretty sure it can corrode anything. But I digress. Couldn’t she have made a tiny effort to walk into an unseen alleyway before relieving herself? You know she knows all the dark corners and that area is not lacking in them? Was she lazy or just really needed to go?

Prostitution

Well, I got my answers soon enough. We’d been walking for a few minutes when we realized we had forgotten something where we came from. We reluctantly made a U-turn on the prostitute ridden street and began walking back towards the urinal corner. When we got there, the girls were gone. Interestingly enough, so were the men.

We put two and two together – very literally, actually – and realized that the piss show was not for us. It was for the potential clients watching intently. After impressing them by pissing her name in calligraphy on the cement, I’m sure baby t-shirt girl doubled her rate and took on 2 guys. The other two went with Freeze-n-Shine.

Their marketing, though animalistic and completely lacking in etiquette of any sort, seems to have worked wonders.

The next morning I saw a cleaner sweeping the corner and thought “Should I tell him? Nah, he’s better off not knowing.” Then he spotted a mandazi on the floor and looked around before having breakfast.

The moral of the story is, don’t eat food off the floor.

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26 thoughts on “Whore Etiquette

  1. LOL that’s just messed up!! And a Hoe in granny pants..really?! I agree with you. One would expect them to have something more…urm enticing on.

      • One of the reasons why populations of ancient civilisations lived much much longer than the fifty something average that we have now is that they accepted that they were part of nature and interacted as much as they could with its components in their purest forms. Fast forward to 2010, we are seriously removed from nature… medicine must come in tabs, capsules, or more recently in sweet gels (I bet next they going to come as food, TB chicken or malaria sausages or some ish of that sort).

        Same goes with bodily fluids. Everyone finds them eew so we may never discover their full benefits…Just the way we cringe at the thought of eating insects yet we massacre thousands of shrimp everyday… Somebody On The Radio (we into naming sources aren’t we) said the answer to the world’s food deficit could be INSECTS. I have never seen a malnourished ant-eater so I’d say pretty good argument…

        As for bukkakke, weeeeeelllllll *lost in thought*

  2. ICon…

    I couldn’t help but think your level of detail ala the ability to quickly ponder the merits of granny pants vs say a more occupationally advantageous g-string raises more questions than it provides answers.

    Hilarious story all the same.

  3. XD
    I’m readin this in a mat goin home and I have my hand over my mouth and tears in my eyes. The mama seated next to me is pretty conflicted.

    Don’t eat off the floor!! And wear occupation appropriate/friendly underwear *dead*

  4. im waiting for your book, because i cant get enough of your blog…moral of the story is dont eat off the floor… you have a sick sense of humor and mad talent…. i love this blog

  5. all forms of excercise have a helathy benefit inthe end same as the ends justify the means.i wont mind this and surely as its non eof my busines,a glance will be enough for me.

  6. There are various form of advertising targeting different people and bringing out different results from assorted target audience. That is what is at play here. You have to give it to this lady, clearly, she knows her market as well as her target clientèle very well, and therefrom, she reaps. Ingenious!

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