Yes, I enjoy making car lists. Why? Maybe it’s the testosterone, maybe it’s that I just enjoy driving. A lot. Anyway, this is a list I actually do keep in my head because according to The Secret, if you imagine it hard enough, you can have it. So here’s hoping that one day, my garage shall contain the following monster vehicles. In no particular order, as usual….
I hear that this vehicle doesn’t use petrol. It runs on pure speed. If I had one of these, I’d go out of my way to instigate police chases just to speed off once they call in the helicopters. Because seriously, who’s going to catch a car that goes over 400km/h in this city?
Bugatti Veyron 16/4 SuperSport
It’s not just because it’s the fastest production car out there (clocking a RIDICULOUS 271mph or 436 kph). Actually, that is kinda the only reason. Think of it this way, driving from Nairobi to Mombasa in under 2 hours. Only thing is, the car is so damn fast, the tires would burn out after about half an hour and the engine would be empty way before then. Still, how cool would it be to move that fast?
Even the name just sounds monstrous. Basically, Bowler created the best off-road car ever. Fast. Resilient. Fun to drive. Insane. It was like freebasing cocaine with Keith Richards and Tupac inside a bunker in Chernobyl: disasterously high. So after they got done creating this masterpiece and had it lauded by the driving god himself, they scrapped it and made a better one. They called it Nemesis. Probably the only car on this list I would actually buy.
I take that back, I’d buy this one. In fact, this one is the only car on this list I’ve actually driven. A friend of mine let me test drive it about a year ago and I promise you that this is what sex with Halle Berry feels like. Except, you’ll be having sex at 200mph. Plus, it’s a 2-door so when it’s time to go out and the boys want to ride with, I’d just point at the place where the backdoors used to be and shrug. As they debate the reclinability of the front seats, I’d stash their girl in the passenger seat and drive off. Suckers.
Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren 722 GT
Do I really need to explain this one? OK, take note children. There was a magical field in the heavens where the finest stallions were bred. Thousands upon thousands of steeds raced the meadows. The 670 fastest and strongest of those horses are under the hood of this car. Factor in the fact that It’s probably the only sensibly styled SLR and you now know the obvious: this car is a must drive.
Mercedes Benz CLK GTR
While we’re talking about Benzes, let me add this one to the list. This car is here because of its test driving history. As legend has it, when Benz was testing these, they had underestimated just how much power the damn thing had and so they ended up sending one flying. Being the geniuses they were, they decided to make the spoiler substantially bigger and this kinda worked. Until one flipped in public during LeMans. This is probably as close to a flying car as we have gotten this decade; and accidentally too.
Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X
Not the fastest car on this list. Far from the prettiest. Not even the most practical, weirdly enough. But trust me, it deserves to be here. See, there is a very specific reason I want to get behind the wheel of this rallying monster. I want to race an Impreza STi around Nairobi. Just the thought of doing that has got me slightly chubbed. Excuse me as I go take a cold shower.
Chrysler ME Four Twelve
If I had to be 100% honest, this car is the reason this list even exists. When it was first announced in late 2003, I damn near had a heart attack. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to get behind the wheel of one of these and feel the 4 turbos and 12 cylinders turn tarmac into vapor. I’d have dreams where I’d find a genie and he’d tell me I had to sacrifice my family and friends if ever I wanted to drive one of these; each time I chose the car. And I was only sad until I sunk into the bucket seats and the door came sliding down. Then I drove off screaming “BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!”
Sidebar: I thought this car was a concept but about a year or 2 ago one drove past me on an Atlanta highway. To the owner of my dream, give it back, asswipe.
“Oh my God, is that a Nissan?”
Yes, it is a Nissan. And not just any Nissan. This is the epitome of four door racing sedans out of the land of the Rising Sun. This is what the Evo wishes it was. This is what the STi never will be. This is the car that hits corners so hard and quick that it nearly broke Jeremy Clarkson’s neck. Yeah. This car = Beast. Don’t even question it. The gods will smite you if you do
Hennessey Venom GT
This is probably what the Grim Reaper himself drives. The vehicle is pure unadultered death. Starting with the $600,000 price tag and ending with the 725 brake horse power. And the engine just sounds like the trumpets of the 4 horsemen at full blare. I put this last on the list because I’ll more than likely die driving it. This car just looks like it could get it should have Sylvester Stallone veins.